Dear Cousin Joan,

I don't really know how to start this letter but I am aware that I owe you and the rest of the family a sincere apology for my recent behaviour.
I know what I did will never be forgotten or forgiven but as ashamed as I am, I really feel that I ought to try and give some explanation.
I am still upset for what I did and often wake up at night in a cold sweat over the day in my life I will never forget. I think the best thing I can do is to try and put my behaviour in some sort of chronological order to try and make some sense of it.
You may not have been aware that I was being treated by my doctor and was on a strong medication which he warned me I should never mix with alcohol. I therefore refused the sherry that was offered to me but Uncle Bert insisted that his parsnip wine was just like lemonade and a couple of glasses would do me no harm. After drinking three glasses or so the events of the day appear to be somewhat confused in my mind.
I have some recollection of insisting on wearing the undertaker's top hat but have no memory of trying to drive the hearse. In the chapel I was aware that I felt very upset about poor Uncle Wilf but for some reason I started giggling and could not stop myself. I have heard of other people doing the same thing before when their emotions become mixed up and my only excuse is that this is what must have happened to me.
I also wish to apologise for upsetting the children by pretending that I could hear tapping noises coming from the coffin. I will write a separate letter to their parents as I have been told that they are still suffering traumas because of my actions.
I then come on to the event I feel most ashamed about and can hardly believe I did. As we linked hands around the grave it appeared at the time to be very funny to shout, "one two three jump" I don't know what got into me and will regret this action for the rest of my life.
On return to the house I was under the deluded impression that Cousin Betty was making a pass at me and I may have got over excited. I did think of sending her some flowers but thought that my actions may well be misconstrued.
I also never realised that she had always worn a wig and must have been blind to it for the rest of the family all knew about it but Betty was never aware that they did. I really don't know who I should write to with apologise as doing so may open up lasting wounds of embarrassment and anger.
Perhaps in the circumstances you might be good enough to give me some indication in this matter. My memories of the event are somewhat dim and there are probably others I should write to.
Many thanks to the family members who took me home and put me to bed. It was more than I deserved.
All I can add is that the events of that day will always remain with me and I will certainly never forget the pain and shame I brought to the family.